Blame

Through the course of my life
I have made errors
Stopping me cold in my tracks
Leaving me weak...lost.

The cold night stretches before me
Endless and dark
There is nothing to look forward to.

The fight that leaves me
The pain in each breath I take

I grasp for air that is not there
For a branch that I cannot reach.

And finally, these mistakes are mine
As I embrace them
Thorns and all
As they bleed me to death

The pain swallows me whole
Trapped in my own folly.

I cannot blame you, or them or anybody.
My life is my own
My reactions my responsibilities

As i accept my own defeat
As i rest from struggle
I felt a sense of... abandon. Of freedom.

I give my heart away
Without reservations
And if it breaks...whose fault is that?

Mine alone.

Tide

Our relationship has always been like that of the gentle wind.
Caressing, comforting, soothing.
You are the constant thing that makes sense
When nothing does anymore.

But I have always been unaware of this.
Of your presence
And your kindness

I took for granted everything you did for me
Assuming that this is who you are
And I make no difference in your life.

I was too wounded to care
Too jaded to feel
Too defensive to believe

But now my eyes began to unfold.
And the more I didn't understand why.
You have this fondness for me.

Me... who was unattractive
And undeserving
And was clumsy.

It has remained a mystery to me
Why despite my moods
You seem to have immeasurable tolerance.

I didn't understand.
I still couldn't.
I probably never will.

You... whom I have the highest admiration for
Someone I have never in my dreams thought I could possibly have
My angel come to life...

The gentle wind that you are
Now touches my soul
And my warms my heart.

And my greatest fear and my fondest wish
Has finally come to life

That I might lose myself in you
That I might depend on you
That I might suffocate you...

And the tide that I have battled with for so long
Might eventually break me
Destroy me

Because I love you.